What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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