walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
