I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
