did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
