I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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