And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
