you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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