I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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