And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
