Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
