Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
