Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
