Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think your dad took our porno
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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