Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
