So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
