I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
