Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
