I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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