i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
