Tell her she can't have a vagina
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
