Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
