I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
