No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
