I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
