So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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