drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
