wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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