i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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