Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
