I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
