I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
