Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
