Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
