I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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