Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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