Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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