She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Randomize
