Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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