I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i came on her dog
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
