i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
