He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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