You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I didn't notice because vodka
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
