That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
