I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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