Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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