Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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