I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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