i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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