You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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