I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
