Your tits are I can't wait for
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's rum buckets o'clock
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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