End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
