I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
