If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
